In my French Grammar class, there was a guy named Marc who sat on the other side of the room. When the teacher would call his name during role, I would always instinctively look up with the word “présent” already on the tip of my tongue.
“No wait—that’s not me.” I always managed to stop myself each time until finally, I no longer responded to the name “Marc.” I no longer turned my head toward the sound of it. No longer shook myself awake from my snooze to meet the teacher’s stern face.
I know it’s only been three and a half weeks, but I already knew after the first week that I was just kidding myself by thinking that there was still a chance to respark my interest in French.
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“Dénouement”
Written June 1st, 2009 (Excerpted)
I was very worried that I had lost interest in French, as trivial as it may sound. French is my major, and for two to three years I’ve said it’d be what I’d do. I had already envisioned the way my French class would work, the lesson plans I would create, and the things I would have my students do. So the loss of French to me would mean the loss of a chunk of my future that I had already planned out.
I sulked over this conflict for a while, but a few weeks into Spring Quarter, I got over it after having a good talk with my friend Cameron during a late night walk around campus. He suggested that maybe my interest in French got pushed back because I more recently got into hip hop dancing. I have more interest in dancing right now because it’s so new and exciting to me that I want to devote more time to it to explore all that it has to offer me. Once I get to the level that I want to be at, I can tone down my focus on dance and split my attention evenly among all my other interests.
Still, I’m still itching for an immediate solution that says either I AM or am NOT interested in French, but probably no such solution exists. I’ll have to wait it out, and I’m fine with that, for now anyway.
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After four months, I finally got my answer, but I can’t say whether or not it was the answer I had wanted.
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one of my friends recently dropped her advanced japanese class after two weeks of taking it. she'd been taking japanese since high school (she's a junior at ucsd now) and thought she might have a future in it. she said it became laborious. lost her passion for it. things like that happen.
well, maybe we shouldn't say lost. maybe the embers have died down. maybe itll come back. the only difference is whether or not youll wait for it to respark. and you aren't waiting anymore. it just has to happen, at this point.
OKAY i just have to put it out here: i predicted this like six months ago. :| i have the eye that sees into the future, brian.
song break!
~~~~
Come on come on
That's just the way it is
Things'll never be the same
That's just the way it is
aww yeah
~~~~~
it was you. people change. that's ok. as long as you like who you've become. yeah, it's a new world, but do you like who you are now? hopefully the answer's yes. if not, then you have some soul searching to do.
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