Never-Ending Story

Last Saturday was Celebration Night, the teachers’ last moments with their students, and the following Monday through Wednesday was just days of writing evaluations for our students and cleaning up the school.

The Breakthrough Collaborative program at San Jose, by all official means, is over.

But I am not done.

I realized that, even if I don’t come back next year, I can never really be finished with Breakthrough. By telling my students that they could follow my life through my myspace blog, that they could have me read over their essays, and that they could talk to me if they simply needed help with life in general, I had deliberately established a permanent connection with them.

I made them a promise: I’d regularly update that blog with things currently going on with my life and just other random things I want to tell them.


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“Knowledge is Power”
Written August 5th, 2009 on my myspace blog. (Excerpted)
You all know some very interesting things about me, and while they’re good for giggles and oohs and aahs, I want to remind you that I put myself out there for more than just satisfying your curiosity. These details about my life outside of Breakthrough, I only feel comfortable about them floating around among you guys because I expect something good to come out of all this.

You guys have information that can help yourself or others. Don’t just sit on it doing nothing. Use it wisely. So, if you or someone you know (doesn’t have to be a Breakthrough student) is struggling (with parents, family, relationships, sexuality, friends, school, etc) and could use some advice and comfort from a person of my unique position and perspective, refer yourself/him/her to me. I will always be happy to help.
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I’m writing in a blog for my students because, as I had told them, I want to inspire them to write. But mainly, I don’t want to be the teacher that disappears from their lives just because I stopped getting paid. I want them to have a part of me that they can continue to hang on to.


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“Souvenir”
Written May 20th, 2008 (Excerpted)
I did not like working only once a week [at SCORE! Educational Centers, a tutoring place for students grades K-10. I worked here all throughout my senior year in high school, before I started my first summer with Breakthrough.]. During the six days between each shift that I don’t work, I feel like I forget everything. I felt like a total stranger today. Kids that I normally have fun with, I couldn’t today. I realized that working just once a week would not work out for me.

I had thought about not actually quitting SCORE! during the summer, but actually working only Saturday mornings while I spent my weekdays with Breakthrough. But a week is a lot of time to forget everything about SCORE! I’d be going to work every weekend as a stranger, and the experience would just not be worth it. So, I am definitely quitting SCORE!, and next Tuesday is definitely my last day.

I forget things quickly, and I am even unaffected by it. Maybe it’s a built in thing for people bound to be teachers? So that teachers don’t cry their eyes out when their students leave them at the end of the year? I hate forgetting though; I don’t want to forget. And I also don’t want others to forget. I want little Joseph or Ishika to think twelve years from now, “I remember one of the tutors at that one SCORE! place I used to go to as a kid. Apparently, I hear he’s gay now?” And I like to think that by one hell of a coincidence, ten years from now, I’d see on my roster for French I, “Juju Acton,” and flush from head to toe with WHOA-OH-MY-GOD feelings.

Reality, however, is that “Acton” isn’t even Juju’s last name. I can’t remember it. [I worked with Juju back in 2007, but the SCORE! Center we were at at the time closed down in December. We ended up getting transferred to different SCORE!s. She loved me a lot.]
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I know my Breakthrough students can do fine without me. They don’t really need me to hang on to in order to live their lives. But if they do hang on to me, then I can hang on to them.