At first, we were hoping to find his friend a Tae Yang poster, but for some reason we didn’t see the faulty reasoning in thinking that we could find a Korean pop star poster inside Grand Century, a Vietnamese mall. While wandering around, I couldn’t help but mentally note the irony about walking around this mall with Ranier. The last time I was here was eleven months ago, New Years day, and I was also with Ranier. It was our first date/hang out.
Yeah, okay, mentally noted. Moving on.
As expected, we did not find a shirtless Korean kid with a gay fohawk hiding among the green waffle stands, pho restaurants, pirated music shops, diamond jewelers, and bamboo stores, so we brainstormed other gift ideas.
“Shakeweight,” I suggested.
“No.”
“Snuggie.”
“No! Why are you suggesting such shitty ideas?”
I shrugged. “Why are you thinking too hard?”
“Oh, I know, I’ll get him tapers, and I wanna get him a good gift because we are good friends. Don’t you do that Brian? Got any good friends?”
I shrugged again. Admittedly, I sucked at friendships.
---
“Brian and Seth”
Written December 23rd, 2005 (Excerpted)
[Quick recap: Seth was my “best friend” from the second grade to the eighth grade, making our friendship my longest friendship. “Friendship” with Seth, however, had a pretty loose definition. Various incidents and causes, some being petty, others being emotionally or physically harmful, eventually led me to ending the friendship at the end of middle school. However, I ended things in sort of a cowardly way: by posting an angry entry on my blog. But a year and a half later, during the 2005 Christmas season, I decided to contact him through another guy that went to his fancy private high school, Vance. After getting a few messages to Seth and finding out the date of his Christmas/birthday party, December 22, I showed up at his house that evening.]
Seth’s mom let me in, but he and his friends were at Nickel City. That gave me time to reminisce and think of what to say to Seth. His house hadn't changed much, and it still had the weird bitter smell of walnuts. Hell, Seth hasn't even gotten a new Gamecube game since I left him. Super Smashed Brothers Melee was his most recent game. It felt like I had just walked to his house to rest for the millionth time after another school day at Bernal Intermediate.
I ended up waiting like forty-five minutes for him and his friends to come back. When I walked out to greet them, I was surprised that I already knew a lot of them. Seth only had like four friends from Bellarmine at the party, and the rest I remembered from Bernal Intermediate (and they remembered me too, but they suspected nothing).
The entire time, we tried to minimize contact with each other, but any time we had to talk, he tried to be nice. It was awkward nice. With all his friends around, I didn't find the time to talk to Seth alone until 10:30. He had to go ask his sister, who was in her room, for some TV cables. Before he went, I got ahead of him and hid in the bathroom. When Seth passed by, I quickly led him into his room, saying that we needed to talk. I did it all without very much thought so that I wouldn't let myself be stopped by my doubts and end up staying until like 12.
So we were in his room alone, and he closed and locked the door. The light from the lamp was as dim as ever. I sat on his bed, but he opted to stand up. I felt like I started to sweat as soon as I asked him, "So what did Vance tell you?" Whatever Vance told him, Seth had gotten the impression that I still wanted to be friends. At that point, I decided to pour everything out of my mouth, with my voice cracking more and more at the end of each sentence.
"Seth, I can't be your friend. After those six years, I don't want to be your friend anymore. It's just that… One and a half years ago, you remember what I said about you on my blog? That wasn't how I wanted to end it. Back then, I couldn't face you so I used the cowardly way out. I felt so guilty that I couldn't face you, and I just left you confused and lost with a blog entry that rambles on about nothing. So I just came here to say what I couldn't one and a half years ago, and what I should've said sooner: You treated me like shit all throughout elementary school and middle school. I hate you. Our friendship is done, and let's just leave it at that."
His countenance was blank. And I almost cried. My face was fucking red-hot. He sighed and told me, "Okay." We agreed that we were now simply "strangers". Following a tense silence, we shook hands like we had just met, and I called my dad and left without saying another word.
So it's over now. I can finally move on. I feel like going out and making some new friends; it should be easier now without all the weight of the memories and regrets associated with my very first close friendship.
But for now, fuck the whole "making new friends" thing. Because you know what I really feel like doing? Masturbating the shit out of my penis. It’s been 14 days. [Yeah, the way I blogged back in high school is very different from the way I blog now.]
---
I handed Trung a wrapped box. He held it on his forearms and raised his eyebrow at it.
“It’s your Christmas present,” I told him. “I’m giving it to you now, a week before Christmas before we head back up to San Jose so that you can actually get me something just as good this year.”
Trung pressed his ear to the box and shook it. He didn’t hear anything. “Silly DinoBrian. I don’t have to worry about getting you anything good because I know there’s probably nothing in this box. At the very least, there are probably more eggrolls in this box, one for every time you cheated on me.”
“No, I swear! I got you something good!”
“You haven’t gotten me anything good since DinoBlanket two years ago! One Valentine’s day, two birthdays, and one Christmas—the most I got out of those was a break up. Remember my nineteenth birthday Brian? You couldn’t even wait more than a week after before breaking up with me. Hmph!”
“Just open the box already.”
A fresh New Era cap for his collection. Satisfied Trungy.
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